There Right There!
by IcHa-IcHa-yaoi-KZ-style
Summary: Renge asks the Twins if Tamaki is Gay... Chaos ensues. Light TamaxKyou T for language


Alright, this is a oneshot of pure crack… blame the music for this… I hope you like it...

I do not Own Ouran High School Host Club, Nor Legally Blonde The Musical... if I did, this would be canon...

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**Normal days at the host club are few and far between, and today was no exception. Renge had arisen on her platform and raced over to talk to the twins, their whispers barely audible to the rest of the hosts (None of the girls had arrived there yet, as school had just let out). Haruhi walked over to the trio and let out a small sigh. "I may regret this, but what are you three talking about?" She asked. Hikaru and Kaoru but looked at the smaller girl and answered in stereo.

"Renge wants to know whether our Lord is Gay or not." They said.

Haruhi raised an eyebrow and looked at Renge, who had turned to her. "Well, is he?" Renge asked.

Haruhi shrugged. "Beats me… he acts pretty straight." She turned to look at her Sempai, who suddenly screamed and raced away from Nekozawa, who had just entered the room through a newly appeared gloomy door. "Then again… he could be gay." She said darkly.

Renge let out a huff as Mori, Nekozawa, Honey, and strangely enough Kasanoda-kun all walked over. "All signs point to him being gay!" She squealed.

Honey looked over at Tamaki who was arguing with Kyouya about a new theme idea. "How can you tell?" He asked cutely.

Renge gave a smirk and produced a microphone out of God-knows-where, stepping on a platform until it raised her up somewhat, then with a snap, music came on, and she dramatically pointed. She began to sing:

"There! Right There!  
Look at that pale, and peachy skin.  
Look at the killer shape he's in.  
Look at that slightly girly chin.  
Oh Please he's gay, totally gay."

The others looked at her like she was crazy, until Kasanoda-kun muttered in time to the music.

"I'm not about to celebrate.

Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate.  
This guy's not gay, I say not gay."

Then slowly the others began to peer over at Tamaki and sing quietly

"That is the elephant in the room.  
Well is it relevant to assume  
that a man who wears perfume  
is automatically radically fey?"

By now, Tamaki and Kyouya had heard the group and turned over to look at them all, Kyouya with indifference, Tamaki's mouth agape.

Nekozawa came next, pointing with Beezelneef,

"But look at his coiffed and crispy locks."

Renge interjected, pointing lower on the 'King' of the Hosts,

"Look at his silk translucent socks."

Tamaki turned red as the group inspected his footwear.

Haruhi put her hand to her chin and tapped it, commenting in song,

"There's the eternal paradox.  
that what we're seeing."

"What are we seeing?" Renge asked, mike poised to Haruhi

"Is he gay?" Haruhi continued,

"Of course he's gay!" Renge snorted

"Or European?" Haruhi finished, her finger in the air triumphantly

"Ohhhhhh." That quieted the music down a bit and caused them all to peer at the Blonde out of the corners of their eyes.

Tamaki was horrified. The entire group over there was singing….about his sexual preference no less!! "Mommy do something!!!" He looked at his bespectacled counterpart, who merely shrugged. He wasn't about to get involved with Renge… after all, the girl once had a major crush on him.

Tamaki just gaped as the group began to sing again.

"Gay or European?  
It's hard to guarantee  
Is he gay or European?"

Haruhi shrugged.

"Well, hey don't look at me."

Hikaru and Kaoru sang the next part in unison.

"You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports.  
They play peculiar sports."

The entire group followed.

"In shiny shirts and tiny shorts.  
Gay or foreign fella?  
The answer could take weeks.  
They both say things like "ciao bella"  
while they kiss you on both cheeks."

Renge rolled her eyes.

"Oh please."

"I'm right here you know, you can stop singing now!" Tamaki yelled at them.

But the group kept going,

" Gay or European?  
So many shades of gray."

Mori chimed in quietly.

"Depending on the time of day, the French go either way."

That statement shut Tamaki up very quickly. 'How did he know I'm half French?' He thought to himself, blushing crimson.

The group looked puzzled and Tamaki gave a smirk.

"Is he gay or European?  
or…"

Kasanoda-kun's eyes grew wide and he yelled out,

"There! Right There!  
Look at that condescending smirk.  
Seen it on every guy at work.  
That is a metro hetero jerk.  
That guy's not gay, I say no way."

The chorus ensued,

"That is the elephant in the room.  
Well is it relevant to presume  
that a hottie in that costume…"

"Is automatically-radically…"

"Ironically chronically"

"Certainly pertin'tly"

"Genetically medically"

The group practically screamed the next lines,

"GAY!  
OFFICIALLY GAY!  
OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY  
DAMNIT!

Gay or European?"

Nekozawa murmured,

"So stylish and relaxed."

"Is he gay or European?"

Haruhi gave a sour look,

"I think his chest is waxed."

Honey piped in chirping,

"But they bring their boys up different there.  
It's culturally diverse.  
It's not a fashion curse."

The group finished for the Loli boy,

"If he wears a kilt or bears a purse.  
Gay or just exotic?  
I still can't crack the code."

Hikaru and Kaoru both continued,

"Yeah his accent is hypnotic  
but his shoes are pointy toed."

"Huh."

The group looked at Tamaki's shoes and saw they did seem pointer then the normal school shoes. Tamaki let out a mix between a scream and a gasp and hid behind Kyouya.

"Gay or European?  
So many shades of gray."

Renge winked at Tamaki, who hid more behind his 'mommy'

"But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday."

"Is he Gay or European?  
Gay or European?  
Gay or Euro-"

Haruhi shushed everyone with a loud,

"Wait a minute!"

This quieted everyone so they craned in to listen to her whisper,

"Give me a chance to crack Sempai.  
I have an idea I'd like to try."

Mori murmured,  
"The floor is yours."

So the group parted and allowed the girl host to walk closer to Tamaki.

Tamaki ran forward and hugged Haruhi tightly. "Haruhi, NOOO! It's not true!!!! You know I'd only ever love you!!!!" He spun her around for a bit, then set her down, eyes full of tears.

Haruhi asked the next question like any other.

"So, Sempai,  
This 'relationship' that we have has been going on for...?"

Tamaki brightened. "Almost a year!"

Haruhi continued

"And your last name again is...?"

Tamaki answered oblivious,

"Suoh."

Haruhi kept on,

"And your boyfriend's name is...?"

Tamaki slipped then,

Kyouya." He offered nonchalantly, causing the room, except Kyouya, to gasp. Kyouya was getting an angry sort of look on his face.

Tamaki paled. "I'm sorry! I misunderstood. You said boyfriend. I thought you said best friend. Kyouya is my best friend." He said, smoothly.

Kyouya threw down his notebook and glared at Tamaki over the rims of his glasses, a seemingly demonic aura flowing around him.

"You bastard!" He seethed.

"You lying bastard!  
That's it. I will not cover for you, anymore!"

You idiots…" He pointed to the cowering group over on the other side of the room.

"I have an announcement…  
This man is Gay and European."

The group let out a "Whoa!"

Kyouya turned to Tamaki .

"And you've got to stop your acting  
you f-ing closet case."

Tamaki tried to protest, but Kyouya cut him off,

"No matter what he'll say.  
I swear he'll never ever ever swing the other way."

Tamaki gave him puppy eyes, but Kyouya kept on, pointing at him now

"You are so gay.  
You big parfait!  
You flaming boy band cabaret!"

Tamaki whipped around to Haruhi,

"I'm straight!"

Kyouya slid behind him and whispered in his ear,

"You were not yesterday."

To which Tamaki blushed and mumbled something.

Kyouya stepped away from his reddening boyfriend and pushed up his glasses.

"So if I may, I'm proud to say,  
He's gay!"

"And European!"

"He's gay!"

"And European!"

"He's gay"

"And European and Gay!"

Tamaki wailed,

"Fine okay I'm gay!"

"Hooray!"

Then the music ended, Renge hopped off of the platform, and the mike was once again, gone. Tamaki looked mortified, until Kyouya came over.

"I'm glad you finally told them." Kyouya whispered to him. Then, offering a very rare smile he bent over near Tamaki to get his notebook, staying down slightly longer then necessary, then standing and brushing part the boy on his way to the table.

Tamaki's throat went dry as he turned and blinked at his boyfriend.

Kyouya smirked, "What's wrong 'Daddy'?" He asked slyly.

The group on the other side of the room were quite speechless as well, except for Renge, who had a camera out and was quietly saying, "Moe" again and again, as she clicked the shutter button.

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Well do you like it?

Then drop me a review~!


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